You kept yourself caged,
Hoping for meaning to erupt from the hollow.
Outlining faded memories,
Befriending you was good old sorrow.
But with wings on your side,
You flapped it with all your might.
Discovering the magic in letting go,
Surrendering to your misery no more.
Oftentimes, we find ourselves torn between holding on and letting go. Shall we hold on to the betrayal associated with a person we were fond of? Or shall we let go off the grudges we might have developed against someone who failed us? Don’t we end up disturbing our peace whilst struggling with ways to cope with those that have wronged us along the way? What if I told you, the solution to overcoming most, if not all, of such problems lies in something that we all practiced so organically while we were still young. As children, after having experienced conflict-like scenarios in the middle of the playground or when we were deeply upset over a rivalry with a sibling, how did we, in no time go back to playing dice with them, almost like we’d mastered conflict resolution skills? What was the magic portion that we then possessed? If you haven’t guessed it already, and cliché as it might sound, it was our ability as kids to fully forgive and to keep little record of all the wrongs.
Think of the last time someone wronged you- what feelings does it elicit from within? Anger or maybe resentment? Modern culture glorifies vengeance encouraging us to wallow in the muck of wrongdoing, anchoring us deep into the abyss of hatred. Tell you what, unforgiveness is the poison we presume to impose on those who have wronged us not knowing it’s the one that we ourselves tend to drink. Refusing to forgive someone will keep us in bondage, continuously feeding the bitterness within that stunts our spiritual growth. Forgiveness is far more beneficial to the forgiver than it is for the forgiven. Biblical lessons of forgiveness are plenty. The most striking ones are those of the prodigal son, Stephen being stoned, that of Joseph and his brothers, even Christ’s crucifixion to forgive us all, the betrayal of his own disciple, the mockery of the Roman guards while Christ lay pinned at the cross teaches us that even those that do not deserve to be forgiven have to be freely given the gift of forgiveness. The life story of Gladys Stains is an epitome of forgiveness and a reminder of the fact that the strength to forgive others irrespective of the degree of wrong doing, truly lies within us while the refusal to do so is only an excuse we choose to justify time and again.
Forgiving ourselves is far more challenging that having to forgive others. With our trust being broken, with the lasting impact of unkind words stirring within us long after having been recipients of the same, having been lied to and cheated on, we find ourselves to be innocent victims in a world where everyone is posed against us. How do we deal with instances such as these? Max Lucado states, “Forgiveness is the act of applying your undeserved mercy to your undeserved hurts.” Forgiveness is the most powerful healing force there is. It is an eraser erasing off the bits that were incorrectly written in our lives. Forgiving might not help us erase our past experiences completely, but it will enable us to accept the past and work towards a better future. Forgiveness is a non-linear process, a gradual but a guaranteed ointment to healing. Just as nursing physical wounds take time so do emotional wounds. Resilience is what makes survival possible, and forgiveness only accelerates the process to bouncing back.
As a concluding note and as food for thought, I’m certain married couples on interrogation will second the fact that- “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” “The first to ask for forgiveness is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.” Which of the three do you choose to be? You don’t have to choose just one!
